I Think I Love Her
by Crystabel.Shalott
Summary: Finnick realizes he fell for Annie Cresta and goes over to Mags for some advice. "I think I love her" "And by her you mean a green-eyed-girl with brown hair and pale skin who goes with the name of Annie Cresta?


**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

I Think I Love Her:

_My feet sink into the wet sand as I walk on the beach with Annie. The ocean reflects all the strains of yellow, orange and red of the sunset. A fresh breeze messes with our hair, and sometimes the little waves reach our feet. I hold Annie's hand really tight, maybe too tight. But this is for a reason: my steadiness helps her to stay focused. She still isn't completely at ease in presence of water. And who could blame her? She spent hours swimming in ice-cold water before she won the Hunger Games, before they rescued her. And even then it was not finished, the Capitol misjudged her PTSD for madness and tried to revert the process by putting her under a constant jet of water in a tube. The result was only to make it worse._

_"Finn? Were you listening to me?"_

_"Sorry what did you say?"_

_"Can we just sit here and look at the sunset"_

_The words 'I am tired' remain unspoken, she never wants to show when she is near a collapse again. She doesn't want to be a burden nor wants to be pitied, sometimes (just like now) she manages to stop flashbacks or panic attacks but it doesn't succeed when she is tired. So I agree gladly._

_We distance ourselves from the water and collapse on the sand, she lets go of my hand and hugs her knees. I don't want her to let go of my hand. I often wonder if it is me who really needs her presence, her touch. I look at her: her hair falls in light waves down her back and frames her pale face. Her green eyes are lost in the distance she is probably lost in her head, in a memory. A nice one, I think, or else she wouldn't look so placid. I would give away all I have if I could find out what she sees, what she hides because She never tells._

_"What are you looking at?" she asks bewildered. _

_I was staring again, great._

_"You"_

_"Why?"_

_"Because..." I don't finish the sentence, I look her in the eyes and then at her lips. I cup her cheeks and lean forward to kiss her. And when my lips brush hers I feel good. More than good, it is like this was supposed to be, and it ends months of agony. As we part a smile creeps on my face and on Annie's too._

_"Annie, I.."_

I groan loudly as I wake up. Not this dream again! It's been weeks now. I can't do this anymore.

"I love you Annie Cresta" I whisper to the empty room, letting that words out for the infinitesimal time. Oh yes: I always let them out, only not in front of Annie. Because this was not supposed to happen! I shouldn't have fallen in love with her. It's wrong. I am the last person Annie needs to be more than a friend with. I can never make her happy. We can't have a normal relationship.

"This is such a mess!" It would have been different if it had been love at first sight, because I would have realized it sooner and maybe I would have been able to stop all of this. Instead she crept up upon me which means that now it's too late to do anything. I cannot go back as it was before: she changed me. I am a better person because of her and I don't want to get back to the worst version of myself. I am not completely broken anymore and it feels good. I can be my true self again, not some arrogant and vain version I use to protect me from the world. Annie doesn't care about my beauty, she doesn't want to use me: we are friends and she sees me for what I truly am or was (it depends on the point of views). But all of this has to end, it is becoming unbearable.

It started one morning: I met Annie over by Mags for breakfast and slowly I begun to see her with different eyes and I realized entirely the effect she had on me. I guess it happened before but I always tried to hide the truth from myself and I never talked about it, hoping it would pass. It didn't, to the contrary it only got worse: now I reached the point where everything reminds me of her and when I am in her presence it is always hard not to tell her the truth. What if she doesn't feel the same?

I have to tell somebody, I need advice: I could go insane if I continue this way. But whom can I talk to?

_Mags..._

Well there isn't much choice, and she will help me. Of course she will, she is like a mother for me and she always gives piece of advice when I ask for it.

I get up, dress myself with the first things I find in the wardrobe and walk over to her.

I knock on the door and in a matter of seconds she opens the door.

"Finnick, what happened?" Mags gives me a bewildered glance.

"Mags we have to talk. Is Annie here?" I can't ask for advice if Annie is here since she is going to be the main subject of this conversation. I have to tell Mags before I say anything to Annie. I can't tell her right away because of what I do in the Capitol and because of the consequences the admission will have on our lives. I really need advice, I am too scared to take any decision alone. This is a heavy burden to bear and I don't want to ruin someone's life because of my selfishness. If Mags thinks this move unwise I will have to find a way to forget about all of this.

"No but what... Do come in" The tone she uses is full of worry.

Worry. It strikes me now, that this early visit seems to happen because of something related to the Capitol or to Snow. I didn't even think about it, although it happen once that I had to go back to my job for an extra session of appointments and I went to Mags to find comfort.

"Don't worry nothing bad or unexpected has happened" I reassure her.

Mags sighs for relief and makes me come in, we sit at the kitchen table.

"Mags I have a problem" I say calmly.

"Tell me, I will help you if I can"

"I think I love her"

"And with her do you mean a green-eyed-girl with brown hair and pale skin that goes with the name of Annie Cresta?" she doesn't look surprised, not in the least. She makes the statement as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Yes. I think, no, I am sure that I am in love with Annie"

"It took you some time to realize"

"What?"

"Finnick it was obvious all the time"

"But..."

"No buts. You always look at her your eyes full of fondness, and it isn't just friendship. Finnick you looked at her this way from the reaping. Maybe you didn't love her back then but it started that moment or should I remember you the mess you were in during her last days in the arena"

"No" I remember it all too well: the jumpiness, the constant fear of losing her.

"And you are your old self again when you are with her, you don't look so sad anymore. It was a complete transformation"

"Mags I..."

"Why is that a problem?"

"Because of who we are, no wait because of who I am"

"Finn you..."

"No Mags, I am the Capitol's whore. It isn't something one can overlook!" Especially not in a romantic relationship. I can't do that to her, she is so gentle and sweet and deserves so much more. I even accepted my client's sponsorship money to get her out of the arena! I have never accepted money in exchange for my favors. Never. And yet I needed it, because no one would have sponsored Annie Cresta because she was not the personification of the ideal tribute.

"How can I explain it to her?"

"The words will come, she will find out eventually: she isn't stupid she sees that you put on an act when the cameras are around, and she will ask one day. It's up to you to find how to tell her"

"Let alone this topic, I don't even know if she likes me that way"

"I begin to doubt about you Finnick!" she laughs.

What is so funny now?

"You haven't noticed how that girl looks at you? You have really no spirit of observation"

"What?" I say with an indignant tone.

"Finnick anyone can see that she likes you! You may not have said anything to each other but when you two are together no one can doubt that there is something between you. And as for the earlier topic let me tell you this: I know it is hard and a crucial point of your existence but don't define yourself by what you don't have control on. Define yourself by the choices you make, the people you have around and by what you truly are. The rest is a mask, a façade you put on to shield yourself"

"But Mags this will not end well. First I don't know what I am up against nor in fact do I know anything about love or how to handle it, and second what if Snow finds out? There will be hard consequences on all of us if I step out of the line"

"There are always consequences and Snow holds us under his power whatever we do. And since it is the same, what we can do is take the decision that are best for us and don't give him the power to control us entirely . Finnick, you and Annie deserve to be happy as much as everybody else I don't see why you shouldn't grab the chance if you have it"

"Thanks Mags. I love you, you know that right?"

"Yes. And now go!"

The last thing before I go out, walking to Annie's house is Mags' smile.


End file.
